1
00:00:02,413 --> 00:00:04,330
All right, ladies, I don't
got a whole lot of time here,
2
00:00:04,414 --> 00:00:05,790
so what do you say we make like
3
00:00:05,874 --> 00:00:07,207
Boyle's mom and you debrief me?
4
00:00:07,291 --> 00:00:09,710
Didn't happen, and I should know.
She tells me everything.
5
00:00:09,794 --> 00:00:12,086
Yeah, not everything, Chucky.
She took off my undies.
6
00:00:12,170 --> 00:00:13,797
Hey, Peralta. What is that?
7
00:00:14,255 --> 00:00:15,465
This? Yeah.
8
00:00:15,632 --> 00:00:17,841
Oh. Nothing. Just open-and-shut case.
9
00:00:17,925 --> 00:00:20,425
Well, it looks like a
pretty fat file for a dunker.
10
00:00:20,594 --> 00:00:21,593
What is it?
11
00:00:21,677 --> 00:00:25,680
Just some old lady has a
missing torso that we can't find.
12
00:00:25,764 --> 00:00:26,931
Put it in the Major Crimes pile.
13
00:00:27,015 --> 00:00:28,766
What? We've already
given them all of our felonies.
14
00:00:28,850 --> 00:00:31,643
That's because I got a bet
going with the captain of the A4
15
00:00:31,727 --> 00:00:34,396
to see whose squad
can solve the most cases.
16
00:00:34,563 --> 00:00:36,230
Winner gets to choose
a tattoo for the loser,
17
00:00:36,314 --> 00:00:37,314
and guess what I'm getting him.
18
00:00:37,398 --> 00:00:39,149
Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian Devil?
19
00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:41,067
No, it's supposed to be a bad tattoo.
20
00:00:41,151 --> 00:00:42,986
Man, you're really stupid
in the morning, aren't you?
21
00:00:43,070 --> 00:00:44,070
Yeah.
22
00:00:44,195 --> 00:00:45,529
Cap, we all want you to win that bet,
23
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:49,199
but do you think maybe we
could keep a few real cases?
24
00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:50,950
Look, I'm gonna make
it real simple for you.
25
00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:52,535
We only solve misdemeanors, wieners.
26
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:53,618
Say it.
27
00:00:53,702 --> 00:00:56,163
ALL: We only solve misdemeanors…
28
00:00:57,664 --> 00:00:58,706
Wieners.
29
00:00:58,832 --> 00:00:59,957
PEMBROKE: Congratulations.
30
00:01:00,041 --> 00:01:02,459
You just called yourselves wieners.
Dismissed.
31
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,211
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
32
00:01:22,851 --> 00:01:23,851
[GINA SIGHS]
33
00:01:23,935 --> 00:01:25,394
Good morning.
34
00:01:25,894 --> 00:01:26,937
For whom?
35
00:01:27,271 --> 00:01:29,231
For you-m.
36
00:01:29,689 --> 00:01:31,357
Okay, I can't keep lying.
37
00:01:31,732 --> 00:01:33,109
Wuntch is here.
38
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:34,776
Oh, there it is.
39
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:36,944
The shriveled husk of Raymond Holt.
40
00:01:37,028 --> 00:01:39,572
Look, Gina, is that a talking raisin?
41
00:01:39,738 --> 00:01:40,906
Enough foreplay.
42
00:01:41,115 --> 00:01:42,866
I'm here to discuss the department's
43
00:01:42,950 --> 00:01:44,575
new smuggling task force.
44
00:01:44,659 --> 00:01:45,910
A task force?
45
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,244
Oh, I thought you'd be handing me
46
00:01:47,328 --> 00:01:48,728
another vapid PR assignment.
47
00:01:48,829 --> 00:01:50,789
I am. We need to choose a phrase
48
00:01:50,914 --> 00:01:52,874
to replace the phrase "task force."
49
00:01:53,124 --> 00:01:55,626
Our research suggests
it's too aggressive.
50
00:01:55,835 --> 00:01:56,959
What? I like it.
51
00:01:57,043 --> 00:01:59,003
Task force sounds like some sort of
52
00:01:59,087 --> 00:02:01,006
body spray for hot dudes.
53
00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:03,257
Oh, and one more thing.
54
00:02:03,382 --> 00:02:05,966
Since your little stunt
with the subway poster,
55
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:08,136
I think you could use some supervision.
56
00:02:08,469 --> 00:02:10,346
Bob will be keeping an eye on you.
57
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:11,513
It's gonna be fun, Ray.
58
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:12,681
But I'm his boss.
59
00:02:13,348 --> 00:02:16,767
Oh, ouch. How demeaning. [LAUGHS]
60
00:02:18,269 --> 00:02:19,478
Oh, my God.
61
00:02:20,061 --> 00:02:22,021
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, oh, my God.
62
00:02:22,105 --> 00:02:24,523
Sarge, you got to check this out.
63
00:02:24,607 --> 00:02:26,317
Jake, what are you doing?
64
00:02:26,775 --> 00:02:29,110
We can't work real cases. This is a BandE.
65
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:30,569
Oh, it's so much more than that.
66
00:02:30,653 --> 00:02:31,905
Look at these photos.
67
00:02:32,071 --> 00:02:33,738
Perp came in through the back window,
68
00:02:33,822 --> 00:02:36,472
set up the living room to
look like a kid's tea party,
69
00:02:36,575 --> 00:02:37,950
didn't steal anything.
70
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:39,159
Do you know what this means?
71
00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:40,327
The victim still has their stuff?
72
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,411
The perp wasn't there to take anything…
73
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:43,955
Except lives.
74
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,123
Sorry, I always wanted to say that.
75
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:47,874
I think this is the work
of the Oolong Slayer.
76
00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,376
Seems like a stretch.
77
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,587
If this is the Oolong Slayer,
why isn't there a body?
78
00:02:52,712 --> 00:02:54,380
I don't know, maybe he got spooked
79
00:02:54,464 --> 00:02:56,006
before the vic got home, or it could be…
80
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:58,590
Jake, you want a case so
bad, you're making one up.
81
00:02:59,134 --> 00:03:01,051
Look, the slayer hasn't
struck in five years.
82
00:03:01,135 --> 00:03:02,845
Chief Garmin set up a task force
83
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:04,638
to find the guy and turned up nothing,
84
00:03:04,722 --> 00:03:07,306
and most importantly,
the Vulture's orders were
85
00:03:07,390 --> 00:03:08,975
"only misdemeanors, wieners."
86
00:03:09,225 --> 00:03:10,433
Why do you follow people's directions
87
00:03:10,517 --> 00:03:11,601
when you could literally pick them up
88
00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:13,437
and throw them out the window? Hmm?
89
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:18,608
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
90
00:03:18,816 --> 00:03:21,151
Was that the sound
of a juicy file I heard
91
00:03:21,276 --> 00:03:23,612
plopping down on Peralta's desk?
92
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,404
Yeah, it was.
93
00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:27,698
You just lost your overtime
privileges for the month.
94
00:03:27,782 --> 00:03:28,865
Everybody, listen up.
95
00:03:28,949 --> 00:03:30,499
Anyone caught working on a case
96
00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:33,118
that I didn't assign
loses their overtime.
97
00:03:33,202 --> 00:03:35,454
-Capooch?
-ALL: Capooch.
98
00:03:36,497 --> 00:03:37,830
[SADLY] Capooch.
99
00:03:39,999 --> 00:03:41,292
Un-capooch.
100
00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:43,961
You didn't say "no take backs."
101
00:03:46,129 --> 00:03:47,129
Ah, there you are.
102
00:03:47,213 --> 00:03:49,172
I got something real
special for the two of you.
103
00:03:49,256 --> 00:03:50,257
Great, what do you got?
104
00:03:50,341 --> 00:03:51,841
A month from today is my birthday.
105
00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,759
I need you to throw
me a party, all right?
106
00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:55,261
Make it epic, surprise me.
107
00:03:55,345 --> 00:03:57,596
Are you asking us to
plan you a birthday party?
108
00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:00,056
Yeah, Helen Keller. Pay attention.
109
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,057
Did you choose us because we're women?
110
00:04:02,141 --> 00:04:04,852
Women love planning parties.
It's in the Bible.
111
00:04:05,686 --> 00:04:07,896
Unbelievable. What a waste of time.
112
00:04:07,980 --> 00:04:08,980
Disagree.
113
00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:10,731
This is an amazing use of time.
114
00:04:10,856 --> 00:04:13,233
We have complete control
over that dummy's birthday party.
115
00:04:13,317 --> 00:04:14,442
We can ruin it.
116
00:04:14,526 --> 00:04:16,528
Yeah, fun.
117
00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:19,613
I'll just mess up a
captain's orders on purpose.
118
00:04:19,697 --> 00:04:22,074
It'll be so… I can't even fake it.
119
00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:23,949
Yeah, baby, I can pick up the crib,
120
00:04:24,033 --> 00:04:25,242
right after I get the groceries
121
00:04:25,326 --> 00:04:27,161
and before I start painting the nursery.
122
00:04:27,245 --> 00:04:30,831
Yeah, [CHUCKLES] I can draw a cloud.
I don't need a stencil.
123
00:04:31,123 --> 00:04:32,748
Okay, I'll get the stencil.
124
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,667
Look, I don't know when I'll be home.
I'll text you, okay?
125
00:04:35,751 --> 00:04:36,876
[GROANS]
126
00:04:37,002 --> 00:04:39,379
All this paperwork is
gonna straight-up kill me.
127
00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:42,130
How are you so chipper?
128
00:04:42,214 --> 00:04:43,298
Simple.
129
00:04:43,382 --> 00:04:45,532
I eat a cacao nib every
time I close a case.
130
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:48,344
A what? A cacao nib.
131
00:04:48,428 --> 00:04:51,471
They're these happy
little chocolaty delights
132
00:04:51,555 --> 00:04:53,932
from deep in the Peruvian rain forest.
Here, try one.
133
00:04:54,016 --> 00:04:55,725
Do I look like a man who snacks?
134
00:04:56,017 --> 00:04:58,393
You look like eight
circles with suspenders on.
135
00:04:58,477 --> 00:04:59,685
But these aren't bad for you.
136
00:04:59,769 --> 00:05:01,812
They're full of fiber and antioxidants.
137
00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:03,440
Go ahead, try one.
138
00:05:04,398 --> 00:05:07,234
Okay, fine. Just one. Mmm-hmm.
139
00:05:09,652 --> 00:05:11,236
Damn, these are good.
140
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,370
And plus, they're organic and fair trade.
141
00:05:13,739 --> 00:05:16,199
Terry loves responsible
agricultural practices.
142
00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:20,994
Uh-oh.
143
00:05:21,078 --> 00:05:23,162
Jake, you should not be here IRL.
144
00:05:23,246 --> 00:05:25,539
Gina, my old friend who I grew up with.
145
00:05:25,623 --> 00:05:27,165
So good to see you, and I
have missed you so much.
146
00:05:27,249 --> 00:05:29,542
Is Holt in? Yes, of course
he is, but he's in a meeting,
147
00:05:29,626 --> 00:05:33,170
and you cannot be seen
stopping by for chits and/or chats.
148
00:05:33,254 --> 00:05:34,254
You need to leave.
149
00:05:34,338 --> 00:05:35,923
Gina, I'm not here to
waste his time, all right?
150
00:05:36,007 --> 00:05:38,675
I have an extremely dope,
possibly even disgusting case,
151
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:39,801
and I need to discuss it with him.
152
00:05:39,885 --> 00:05:41,843
A case? Extra no.
153
00:05:41,927 --> 00:05:44,596
If Wuntch finds out he's working
on a case, she will punish him.
154
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,530
She's on the warpath right now, Jake.
155
00:05:46,931 --> 00:05:48,016
The warpath.
156
00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:50,934
Okay, copy that. Loud and clear.
157
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,518
Don't want to cause a problem.
158
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,606
I will skraight-up skedaddle
with no further a-do-do.
159
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,551
[PERALTA IMITATING PIGEON COOING]
160
00:06:08,199 --> 00:06:09,198
HOLT: What's going on?
161
00:06:09,282 --> 00:06:11,033
PERALTA: Well, Gina said
we couldn't be seen together,
162
00:06:11,117 --> 00:06:12,201
and I need your help.
163
00:06:12,285 --> 00:06:14,536
Looks like we've both got a
pretty bad case of jerk boss.
164
00:06:14,620 --> 00:06:15,745
Yes, yours is an idiot,
165
00:06:15,829 --> 00:06:17,829
and mine is a fork-tongued lizard witch.
166
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:25,128
The Oolong Slayer. He's back.
167
00:06:25,212 --> 00:06:26,712
I knew you would confirm my hunch.
168
00:06:26,796 --> 00:06:28,696
He's back to his cool-ass psycho ways.
169
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:29,840
Great news, right?
170
00:06:29,924 --> 00:06:31,882
Aside from a serial
killer being on the loose.
171
00:06:31,966 --> 00:06:33,676
What's your plan?
I'm gonna work the case in secret.
172
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:34,969
Wrong.
173
00:06:35,303 --> 00:06:37,303
We're gonna work the case in secret.
174
00:06:37,387 --> 00:06:38,638
Holy crap.
175
00:06:38,722 --> 00:06:40,889
No one can know about this, understood?
176
00:06:40,973 --> 00:06:42,892
-Understood.
-GINA: Understood.
177
00:06:44,185 --> 00:06:46,770
What?
I hang out in the men's room all the time.
178
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:50,981
The acoustics are amazing
179
00:06:52,191 --> 00:06:56,236
If I recall correctly, the Oolong
Slayer last struck five years ago.
180
00:06:56,444 --> 00:06:58,570
He left behind no DNA or fingerprints,
181
00:06:58,654 --> 00:07:00,364
but he did leave his calling card,
182
00:07:00,531 --> 00:07:02,324
a tea bag in his victim's mouth.
183
00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:05,827
Yeah, how cool… I mean, awful is that?
184
00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:09,663
Very cool… I mean awful. [GASPS]
185
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:13,123
What's our strategy? One,
re-examine all of the task force's files,
186
00:07:13,207 --> 00:07:15,709
two, check all BandEs
against the slayer's MO,
187
00:07:15,793 --> 00:07:18,544
and three, think of something
supercool to say when we arrest him.
188
00:07:18,628 --> 00:07:19,837
My leading contender?
189
00:07:19,921 --> 00:07:22,839
"You're going to jail for oolong time."
190
00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:24,966
-Jake, that's really good.
-PERALTA: Right?
191
00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:27,593
Let's not overlook the fact
that he turned his crime scenes
192
00:07:27,677 --> 00:07:29,428
into tea parties for dollies.
193
00:07:29,512 --> 00:07:32,055
Which suggests preadolescent trauma
194
00:07:32,264 --> 00:07:34,098
leading to a pattern of criminality
195
00:07:34,182 --> 00:07:36,267
that probably began as a juvenile.
196
00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,977
I'm taking an abnormal psych class,
197
00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:41,729
and everyone in it is obsessed with me.
198
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:44,647
You look into the BandEs and
I'll check out the juvie angle.
199
00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:46,691
Now, before we begin in earnest,
200
00:07:46,775 --> 00:07:48,318
I'd like to propose a toast.
201
00:07:51,737 --> 00:07:52,821
[GASPS]
202
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:54,531
That's what globes are for.
203
00:07:54,739 --> 00:07:57,075
A 25-year-old port seems appropriate.
204
00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:58,325
I would have gone 10.
205
00:07:58,409 --> 00:07:59,910
I don't know what port is.
206
00:08:02,079 --> 00:08:05,664
To catching a serial killer.
207
00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:07,958
To Rihanna, because I love Rihanna.
208
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,543
Okay.
209
00:08:12,003 --> 00:08:14,546
Case closed. What time is it?
210
00:08:14,630 --> 00:08:17,048
That's right, it's nib o'clock.
211
00:08:18,008 --> 00:08:20,051
Ooh, new case, new nib. [CHUCKLES]
212
00:08:21,051 --> 00:08:22,761
Read 20 words, that's a nib.
213
00:08:23,762 --> 00:08:25,180
That nib was kind of small.
214
00:08:25,264 --> 00:08:26,430
Hey, Sarge?
215
00:08:26,514 --> 00:08:28,724
You may want to slow
down on those things.
216
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:29,934
Things?
217
00:08:30,392 --> 00:08:32,519
These are the precious
jewels of the rain forest, Boyle.
218
00:08:32,603 --> 00:08:34,354
I don't mean to overstep here,
219
00:08:34,438 --> 00:08:36,647
but you're looking a little…
220
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:39,066
Fat.
221
00:08:40,025 --> 00:08:41,109
Oh, boy.
222
00:08:41,568 --> 00:08:42,861
How dare you?
223
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,071
You can't comment on my body.
224
00:08:46,155 --> 00:08:48,157
This is a workplace. Mmm-hmm.
225
00:08:48,406 --> 00:08:51,283
Now I'm feeling objectified
by your male gaze.
226
00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:52,701
Absolutely not. Sir, just listen.
227
00:08:52,785 --> 00:08:54,160
No, I don't want to listen, Boyle.
228
00:08:54,244 --> 00:08:57,122
You are trying to shame
me, and that will not fly.
229
00:08:57,289 --> 00:08:58,289
Okay.
230
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,750
Now I need some more
nibs just to calm down.
231
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,293
Jake, dope alley. I know.
232
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,212
I think this is where
Batman's parents got killed.
233
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:09,047
I'll take your word for it.
The juvie angle didn't pan out.
234
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,299
Neither did the BandEs, but I traced
the label on the slayer's oolong.
235
00:09:12,383 --> 00:09:14,677
Turns out he got it at
Chang's Medicinal Tea Shop.
236
00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:15,802
Good work, Peralta.
237
00:09:16,053 --> 00:09:17,137
Breakthrough selfie?
238
00:09:17,304 --> 00:09:18,388
Why not?
239
00:09:19,431 --> 00:09:20,640
Breakthrough.
240
00:09:21,098 --> 00:09:22,432
PERALTA: So what's the plan, boss?
241
00:09:22,516 --> 00:09:23,976
We create a diversion
242
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:25,685
while Gina copies his customer files.
243
00:09:25,769 --> 00:09:27,478
My thumb drive looks like a watermelon,
244
00:09:27,562 --> 00:09:29,230
because I adore the summertime.
245
00:09:29,314 --> 00:09:30,480
Oh, I love that.
246
00:09:30,564 --> 00:09:31,649
Let's do this.
247
00:09:32,816 --> 00:09:34,733
Hey, punk, that's my ginkgo.
248
00:09:34,817 --> 00:09:36,402
It's my ginkgo now, old man.
249
00:09:36,486 --> 00:09:37,653
I'm still young enough to
250
00:09:37,737 --> 00:09:39,779
beat that ginkgo out of your hands.
251
00:09:39,863 --> 00:09:41,990
[BOTH GRUNTING]
252
00:09:42,741 --> 00:09:45,076
-Hey, knock it off back there.
-HOLT: Take that!
253
00:09:45,243 --> 00:09:46,994
[BOTH GRUNTING, GROANING]
254
00:09:50,914 --> 00:09:52,581
-PERALTA: No!
-HOLT: Get up!
255
00:09:54,291 --> 00:09:56,502
This is so much fun. Hit me in the face.
256
00:09:57,669 --> 00:09:59,219
That was a terrible suggestion.
257
00:10:00,129 --> 00:10:02,088
-Oh.
-[BOTH GRUNT]
258
00:10:02,172 --> 00:10:03,340
All right.
259
00:10:04,508 --> 00:10:06,425
Western medicine rules!
260
00:10:07,093 --> 00:10:08,385
PEMBROKE: All right, sluggers.
261
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:10,719
Let's see what you got
for the big b-day bash.
262
00:10:10,804 --> 00:10:12,263
I thought you wanted us to surprise you.
263
00:10:12,347 --> 00:10:14,597
It's a figure of speech,
Detective Stupid-ago.
264
00:10:14,724 --> 00:10:17,559
Well, I was thinking a DJ,
265
00:10:17,643 --> 00:10:21,813
two signature cocktails,
passed hors d'oeuvres…
266
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:25,280
Passed hors d'oeuvres? What is
this, a fundraiser for French dorks?
267
00:10:25,941 --> 00:10:28,026
So, no passed hors d'oeuvres?
268
00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:29,360
I can't even answer that.
269
00:10:30,152 --> 00:10:31,570
All right, tough guy.
270
00:10:31,862 --> 00:10:33,529
What do you got planned? I don't know.
271
00:10:33,613 --> 00:10:34,906
Meet at a bar and…
272
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,576
Drink there. That's it?
273
00:10:40,244 --> 00:10:41,828
Well, it's still better than Santiago's.
274
00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:44,371
Look, this is real
important to me, all right?
275
00:10:44,455 --> 00:10:46,165
My brother's hot wife is gonna be there,
276
00:10:46,249 --> 00:10:48,299
and I haven't seen her since his funeral.
277
00:10:48,417 --> 00:10:49,459
Wow. Yeah, right?
278
00:10:49,543 --> 00:10:52,193
I mean, you only get one
shot at your brother's widow.
279
00:10:53,838 --> 00:10:55,006
Just go.
280
00:11:01,719 --> 00:11:03,137
Partner. Partner.
281
00:11:03,846 --> 00:11:05,055
Not many people buy that tea,
282
00:11:05,139 --> 00:11:07,848
and only one has been doing
so since the killings first began,
283
00:11:07,932 --> 00:11:09,642
and he has a record. His name?
284
00:11:09,726 --> 00:11:11,435
Braxton O'Reilly.
285
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,895
Oh, he's a maniac.
286
00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:16,647
Arrested in '84 for torturing an animal?
287
00:11:16,731 --> 00:11:18,190
Oh, this is our guy.
288
00:11:18,566 --> 00:11:19,732
Oh man, just a squirrel?
289
00:11:19,816 --> 00:11:20,942
Still counts.
290
00:11:21,401 --> 00:11:22,944
Let's get that psycho.
291
00:11:23,902 --> 00:11:25,279
NYPD, nobody move!
292
00:11:25,571 --> 00:11:29,032
Where is Braxton O'Reilly?
Where is that psycho monster?
293
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,783
He's dead.
294
00:11:31,743 --> 00:11:32,909
Our condolences.
295
00:11:34,578 --> 00:11:35,828
You were working a case.
296
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:37,080
I freaking knew it. You're a liar.
297
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:38,205
And you.
298
00:11:38,289 --> 00:11:41,541
You can't do anything except
disobey orders and screw up.
299
00:11:41,625 --> 00:11:42,917
I'm disappointed, too.
300
00:11:43,001 --> 00:11:44,377
No one cares, Bob. I'm sorry…
301
00:11:44,461 --> 00:11:46,837
And after all your
so-called detective work,
302
00:11:46,962 --> 00:11:49,340
you didn't even get the right guy.
303
00:11:49,506 --> 00:11:51,257
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond…
304
00:11:51,341 --> 00:11:53,175
It was an error, but…
Do not interrupt me.
305
00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:54,718
Raymond, Raymond, Raymond, Raymond.
306
00:11:54,802 --> 00:11:56,427
Seven times, once for every day
307
00:11:56,511 --> 00:11:59,264
your juicy, insubordinate
ass is suspended.
308
00:11:59,514 --> 00:12:00,597
PEMBROKE: Same goes for you, Peralta.
309
00:12:00,681 --> 00:12:02,015
Except for the juicy ass part,
310
00:12:02,099 --> 00:12:03,449
because your ass is stupid.
311
00:12:03,809 --> 00:12:05,509
Now get the hell out of my office.
312
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:09,855
Wait a minute, sir.
313
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,191
You know what?
314
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,108
Screw this.
315
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,662
It's ten days now.
Shouldn't have gone back in.
316
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,825
I am skraight-up depressed.
317
00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:27,084
Amy's been doing her best to cheer me up.
318
00:12:27,286 --> 00:12:30,037
She gave me this sticker
this morning just for waking up.
319
00:12:30,121 --> 00:12:31,622
Ew, it's like you're dating your teacher.
320
00:12:31,706 --> 00:12:33,040
I know. It's so hot.
321
00:12:33,624 --> 00:12:35,375
Meanwhile, Holt won't even talk to me.
322
00:12:35,459 --> 00:12:36,543
How is he, by the way?
323
00:12:36,627 --> 00:12:37,668
Honestly, terrible.
324
00:12:37,752 --> 00:12:39,628
I've only heard from him once this week,
325
00:12:39,712 --> 00:12:41,421
and that was to tell me
he'd finally come up with
326
00:12:41,505 --> 00:12:44,549
a new, non-threatening
term for task forces.
327
00:12:44,674 --> 00:12:46,049
Y'all ready for this?
328
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,593
Do groups.
329
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,303
Wow, that sucks tremendously.
330
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,013
Can I have another port?
You're still drinking that stuff?
331
00:12:52,097 --> 00:12:53,222
Yeah, Holt got me hooked on it.
332
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:54,890
I even got a bottle for my house.
333
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:57,874
It's really classing up the
booze and take-out menus shelf.
334
00:12:58,894 --> 00:12:59,977
Wait a minute.
335
00:13:01,729 --> 00:13:04,148
I think I just figured something out.
I got to go.
336
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:05,832
Aren't you forgetting something?
337
00:13:06,024 --> 00:13:07,234
Uh…
338
00:13:11,487 --> 00:13:13,780
No, pay your bill.
339
00:13:14,155 --> 00:13:15,865
Damn, who raised you?
340
00:13:17,951 --> 00:13:20,243
Oh, my God. You friended the Vulture?
341
00:13:20,327 --> 00:13:22,329
Well, he's not telling us anything,
342
00:13:22,413 --> 00:13:24,580
so it was the only way
to figure out what he likes.
343
00:13:24,664 --> 00:13:25,664
Maybe this will help.
344
00:13:25,748 --> 00:13:27,749
He just said his favorite
color is under-boob.
345
00:13:27,833 --> 00:13:29,292
Look, Amy, you're a good detective.
346
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:30,418
You don't have to perfectly plan
347
00:13:30,502 --> 00:13:31,835
some butthead's birthday party.
348
00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:34,921
I'm sorry, but I believe
that hard work pays off.
349
00:13:35,005 --> 00:13:36,630
Shut up. Excuse me?
350
00:13:36,714 --> 00:13:38,164
No, no, no, shut up and look.
351
00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:41,116
You're completely right.
Your hard work just paid off.
352
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:43,303
The Vulture is in a band?
353
00:13:43,512 --> 00:13:46,389
"Fantastic Jack and the Junkyard Rats."
354
00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:48,557
Just when I thought he
couldn't be any more the worst,
355
00:13:48,641 --> 00:13:50,491
he out-the-worsts himself. [CHUCKLES]
356
00:13:50,892 --> 00:13:52,018
I have an idea.
357
00:13:52,811 --> 00:13:55,311
I don't know why you
insisted on eating here, Gina.
358
00:13:55,396 --> 00:13:57,105
It seems like your average greasy spoon.
359
00:13:57,189 --> 00:14:00,650
Pardon me. Did one of you
order the hot plate of justice?
360
00:14:00,859 --> 00:14:02,276
Peralta, what are you doing here?
361
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,528
Saving New York City from a maniacal…
362
00:14:04,695 --> 00:14:06,822
Um, excuse me? Are those my eggs?
363
00:14:06,989 --> 00:14:09,073
You kind of interrupted
an incredible moment,
364
00:14:09,157 --> 00:14:10,949
but here, take that. Hey…
365
00:14:11,033 --> 00:14:12,733
No, no, we can't be seen together.
366
00:14:12,993 --> 00:14:14,493
Gina, did you know about this?
367
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,579
Uh, tricking you was the only
way I could get you to talk to him.
368
00:14:17,663 --> 00:14:19,373
Plus, you know I heart intrigue.
369
00:14:19,540 --> 00:14:21,876
Sir, take a look at these photos.
370
00:14:22,375 --> 00:14:24,502
None of the victims had any
alcohol in their apartments.
371
00:14:24,586 --> 00:14:25,628
Not even a dusty bottle.
372
00:14:25,712 --> 00:14:27,128
You want to know why?
373
00:14:27,212 --> 00:14:28,963
Because they were all sober.
374
00:14:29,047 --> 00:14:31,049
They all attended 12-step programs.
375
00:14:31,133 --> 00:14:33,759
None of them the same one,
but they all have the same leader,
376
00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:36,344
a creep with a record
of torturing animals.
377
00:14:36,428 --> 00:14:38,221
I'm talking dogs.
378
00:14:39,014 --> 00:14:40,680
I found the Oolong Slayer,
379
00:14:40,764 --> 00:14:43,642
and his name is… I never do
this, but I kind of ordered rye.
380
00:14:43,726 --> 00:14:44,810
Ma'am, I'm not a waiter, okay?
381
00:14:44,894 --> 00:14:46,560
I'm trying to blow my
friend's mind over here.
382
00:14:46,644 --> 00:14:48,729
Could someone get this lunatic some rye?
383
00:14:48,813 --> 00:14:50,647
His name is James Dylan Borden,
384
00:14:50,731 --> 00:14:53,149
and he works the night
shift at, creep-a-palooza,
385
00:14:53,233 --> 00:14:55,275
the mannequin factory in Red Hook.
386
00:14:55,359 --> 00:14:57,236
-I'll pick you up at 8:00.
-Are you insane?
387
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:59,987
We were just suspended
for screwing up this case.
388
00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:01,489
I shouldn't even be talking to you.
389
00:15:01,573 --> 00:15:03,698
Wuntch can probably hear us right now.
390
00:15:03,782 --> 00:15:05,993
She has super sonar hearing,
391
00:15:06,577 --> 00:15:07,701
because she's a bat.
392
00:15:07,785 --> 00:15:09,537
Sir, we're tracking a serial killer.
393
00:15:09,621 --> 00:15:11,330
There's nothing better.
We're living the dream.
394
00:15:11,414 --> 00:15:12,497
That's your dream.
395
00:15:12,581 --> 00:15:16,627
Mine was to run the Nine-Nine,
and that will never happen again.
396
00:15:18,294 --> 00:15:20,421
Just give the case to Major Crimes.
397
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:22,923
Wow.
398
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:26,898
Never thought I'd live to see Holt
side with the Vulture and Wuntch.
399
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:30,303
Mark the day, Gina. May 18th at 4 p.m.
400
00:15:30,387 --> 00:15:33,473
Oh, honey. We're well into October.
401
00:15:33,848 --> 00:15:34,974
Really?
402
00:15:35,224 --> 00:15:36,433
JEFFORDS: Hey, Charles.
403
00:15:36,558 --> 00:15:37,559
I thought you should know.
404
00:15:37,643 --> 00:15:40,394
I heard what you said,
and it really sank in.
405
00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:43,439
I'm off the nibs.
406
00:15:43,606 --> 00:15:45,273
Really? Of course.
407
00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:47,191
I'm Terry Jeffords,
408
00:15:47,275 --> 00:15:52,154
and when I put my mind to
something, I do it. [CHUCKLES]
409
00:15:52,446 --> 00:15:56,031
My resting heart rate is six. Six, Boyle.
410
00:15:56,115 --> 00:15:59,660
You know, the rest of you could
learn a little something from me.
411
00:15:59,868 --> 00:16:02,329
Sure, sometimes we fall down,
412
00:16:02,745 --> 00:16:05,998
but it's how we get back up that matters.
413
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:11,710
We need to look our
failings in the eye and say,
414
00:16:11,794 --> 00:16:16,131
"Not today, not today, nibs."
415
00:16:16,215 --> 00:16:17,423
[CHUCKLES]
416
00:16:17,549 --> 00:16:19,300
Oh, Sergeant.
417
00:16:21,301 --> 00:16:23,470
Fine! I'm not better.
418
00:16:24,555 --> 00:16:27,055
These nibs are just too damn delicious.
419
00:16:27,139 --> 00:16:29,808
I don't think the nibs being
too yummy is the problem.
420
00:16:29,892 --> 00:16:32,685
I think right now, there's
too much on your plate…
421
00:16:32,769 --> 00:16:33,978
Metaphor intended.
422
00:16:34,062 --> 00:16:35,061
You're stress-eating.
423
00:16:35,145 --> 00:16:36,146
That's even worse!
424
00:16:36,230 --> 00:16:38,148
The stress isn't going anywhere.
425
00:16:38,232 --> 00:16:40,357
I'm about to have my third kid,
426
00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:43,569
and they just get more
stressful over time, man.
427
00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:46,113
Oh, nibs, what am I gonna do?
428
00:16:46,363 --> 00:16:47,489
Help me.
429
00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:55,453
Huh.
430
00:16:56,162 --> 00:16:58,497
Why would a psycho want to work here?
431
00:17:05,670 --> 00:17:06,795
Gotcha.
432
00:17:23,100 --> 00:17:24,226
Looking for me?
433
00:17:24,351 --> 00:17:26,894
Nope, just taking my gun for a walk
434
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,646
through the nightmares factory.
435
00:17:28,855 --> 00:17:30,022
Nice try, cop.
436
00:17:30,147 --> 00:17:32,232
But you and I are gonna
have a little tea party.
437
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:34,483
Am I invited? Drop the weapon.
438
00:17:36,861 --> 00:17:38,445
Okay, Slayer.
439
00:17:38,529 --> 00:17:41,865
Prepare to go to jail for oolong time.
440
00:17:42,032 --> 00:17:43,158
Now say "punk."
441
00:17:43,282 --> 00:17:44,450
Punk.
442
00:17:44,908 --> 00:17:46,076
Punk!
443
00:17:46,201 --> 00:17:47,369
I said it.
444
00:17:52,206 --> 00:17:53,373
Thank you, Peralta.
445
00:17:53,498 --> 00:17:54,874
What are you thanking me for?
446
00:17:54,958 --> 00:17:56,209
You're the one who
showed up and stopped him
447
00:17:56,293 --> 00:17:57,960
from shooting me in my beautiful face.
448
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,879
No, for giving me one
last chance to be a real cop
449
00:18:00,963 --> 00:18:04,549
before going back to
a lifetime of PR drivel.
450
00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:06,925
Sir, we just caught a serial killer.
451
00:18:07,009 --> 00:18:08,593
I've wanted this since
I was four years old.
452
00:18:08,677 --> 00:18:09,678
That's troubling.
453
00:18:09,762 --> 00:18:11,429
We did something special here.
454
00:18:11,638 --> 00:18:12,930
I'm honored our names will appear
455
00:18:13,014 --> 00:18:14,390
next to each other on the arrest report.
456
00:18:14,474 --> 00:18:17,350
No, no.
I think you should take sole credit.
457
00:18:17,434 --> 00:18:19,603
Wuntch will only use it to sink me.
458
00:18:20,811 --> 00:18:22,563
I'm glad your dream came true, Peralta.
459
00:18:22,647 --> 00:18:25,982
Now, if you'll excuse
me, the drivel calls.
460
00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:32,279
Hey, turd monkeys.
It's time to celebrate me.
461
00:18:32,363 --> 00:18:33,489
Let's rock!
462
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,573
[PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
463
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,158
[DIAZ LAUGHS]
464
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,493
His tear-away pants just got stuck.
465
00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:43,227
Hiring him to play his own
party was straight-up brilliant.
466
00:18:43,496 --> 00:18:45,247
Yep, because everything he does
467
00:18:45,331 --> 00:18:46,832
is a prank on himself.
468
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:48,165
[LAUGHS] Wow.
469
00:18:48,249 --> 00:18:49,625
You're an evil genius.
470
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:52,168
Next time I want to hurt someone,
I'm coming straight to you.
471
00:18:52,252 --> 00:18:53,420
Aw.
472
00:18:53,504 --> 00:18:55,804
That's the nicest thing
you've ever said to me.
473
00:18:56,298 --> 00:18:59,050
All right, this next song is
called Moms in the Shower.
474
00:18:59,258 --> 00:19:01,093
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
475
00:19:06,305 --> 00:19:10,141
Sarge, I know you have
every right to be stressed out.
476
00:19:10,225 --> 00:19:12,977
A new kid on the way,
Sharon's on bed rest,
477
00:19:13,061 --> 00:19:14,145
global warming…
478
00:19:14,229 --> 00:19:16,105
This preamble is making me nibby.
479
00:19:16,438 --> 00:19:17,480
Get to the point.
480
00:19:17,564 --> 00:19:19,356
I got the squad to volunteer
481
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:22,540
a little bit of their off-time to
help you and your family out.
482
00:19:24,027 --> 00:19:25,778
I'll make dinner once a week,
483
00:19:25,862 --> 00:19:27,864
everybody else
volunteered babysitting time,
484
00:19:27,948 --> 00:19:30,741
and Hitchcock offered
massage sessions for your wife…
485
00:19:30,825 --> 00:19:32,576
What? So I pepper-sprayed him.
486
00:19:32,785 --> 00:19:35,537
[LAUGHS] You're a good man, Charles.
487
00:19:36,121 --> 00:19:37,621
How can I ever thank you?
488
00:19:37,705 --> 00:19:39,505
Start taking care of yourself again.
489
00:19:39,707 --> 00:19:42,000
I miss those gross, overly large muscles.
490
00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:43,792
Lay off my body, dude.
491
00:19:43,876 --> 00:19:45,926
I clearly got some stuff to work through.
492
00:19:47,295 --> 00:19:49,339
Chief Garmin, thanks for meeting with me.
493
00:19:49,423 --> 00:19:52,424
So, I have a guy in custody
on an attempted BandE.
494
00:19:52,508 --> 00:19:54,135
You scheduled a meeting with
495
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:55,885
the Chief of Detectives to tell me that?
496
00:19:55,969 --> 00:19:57,053
I did.
497
00:19:57,345 --> 00:19:59,139
Oh, I should probably also mention,
498
00:19:59,639 --> 00:20:01,056
he's the Oolong Slayer,
499
00:20:01,432 --> 00:20:04,517
and this is every bit of evidence
you'll need to put him away for good.
500
00:20:04,601 --> 00:20:06,477
Really? Yeah.
501
00:20:10,021 --> 00:20:11,981
Huh. Wow. Right?
502
00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:14,442
I spent a decade
looking for this monster,
503
00:20:14,567 --> 00:20:16,944
and you found him all on your own.
504
00:20:17,111 --> 00:20:18,986
Yeah, pretty easily, actually.
505
00:20:19,070 --> 00:20:20,321
[GROANS]
506
00:20:20,530 --> 00:20:23,156
I imagine that'll look pretty bad for you.
Excuse me?
507
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:24,867
Unless, of course, I decided to
508
00:20:25,075 --> 00:20:26,577
withhold that information,
509
00:20:26,702 --> 00:20:28,703
keep it just for myself as a secret.
510
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,121
[EXHALES]
511
00:20:30,246 --> 00:20:32,497
Tell everyone it was
you who figured it out.
512
00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:34,581
Why would you do that? What do you want?
513
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:35,751
Your own do group?
514
00:20:36,710 --> 00:20:39,211
No, I actually had
something else in mind.
515
00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:40,421
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
516
00:20:46,717 --> 00:20:49,470
Captain Holt? This can't be real.
517
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:50,719
Oh, someone please see him
518
00:20:50,803 --> 00:20:52,221
before I punch myself in the face.
519
00:20:52,305 --> 00:20:54,455
-Hello, squad.
-JEFFORDS: Oh, my God. Captain?
520
00:20:54,974 --> 00:20:55,974
Good news.
521
00:20:56,224 --> 00:20:59,560
The Vulture is out, and I'm back.
522
00:20:59,644 --> 00:21:00,895
[LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE]
523
00:21:01,687 --> 00:21:03,287
DIAZ: Glad you're back, Captain.
524
00:21:03,397 --> 00:21:04,522
We really missed you.
525
00:21:04,606 --> 00:21:06,065
How'd you get them to reinstate you?
526
00:21:06,149 --> 00:21:08,902
I didn't.
I guess someone just had my back.
527
00:21:10,611 --> 00:21:11,695
Wait, where's Gina?
528
00:21:11,779 --> 00:21:13,905
Uh, she wanted to make a proper entrance.
529
00:21:16,741 --> 00:21:18,574
Or was I never really gone?
530
00:21:18,658 --> 00:21:20,285
Yes. Oh, yeah.